So realizing that my blogging was reaching more of the journal level instead of the possibly read by random people on the internet level, after my last post I turned to my Bible and hit my knees. There the Holy Spirit gave me my answer. The funny thing is that this is something that I've been dancing around recently. I've listened to two sermons on this very subject in the past couple weeks and both times thought, "that is good stuff". But neither time did I make the connection that this is what God was yelling to me. and then, becuase God knows what I need and He pays such attention to detail, He gave Kristi this exact same answer. Hearing the holy spirit and a best friend tell you the same thing is hardly something you can ignore. So after much blahblah - here it is:
For the past two years, well really for my whole life, just concentrated during this past two years, I have been learning about God. I started out with the basic Bible stories that they teach you in 9 years of Catholic school, and recently have really started to believe God about some serious truth's:
1. He loves me and forgives me! He paid my price for me. We by nature were so opposite of Him, but He gave up His life so that I can talk to Him. I can never deserve His love, but I can also never do anything to lose it. Amazing.
2. I can trust Him to lead me where He wants me. And I can trust that His plans are ridiclously beyond anything I could have come up with. I wanted Mexico and He sent me to Cambodia!
3. He pursued me and planned my life to bring me to Him.
Just realized that 1 and 2 are basically 2 truths that we teach elementary school kids at Buckhead. Those are hard truths to really get into your soul, though. Anyways.
I have cultivated a great intellectual relationship with Him. I have habits of spending time with Him daily that I look forward too. I can make lists of His characteristics.
But Wed night the Holy Spirit revealed to me that my EMOTIONAL relationship with Him is lacking! The most important part! And better than that, there's nothing I can do about it! I can't make a step by step plan to fall in love with God anymore than I can make a step by step plan to fall in love with a man.
God is calling me to turn this over to Him. He wants my heart. He wants my soul. Way beyond feeling like I should pray, or read my Bible, or go to church, He calls me to YEARN for Him. To crave Him. To recognize the characteristics of His that are so worthy of love.
Like David said:
O God you are my God, earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63: 1
I'm asking the Holy Spirit to melt my heart and turn my mind away from learning. To focus me on the countless praise-worthy aspects of God. I want to look forward to meeting Him even more than any human. To truly come to know in the deepest part of me that love like there is between us is greater than any earthly love.
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2 comments:
God not only forgives us and accepts us -- he cherishes us and adores us. He lavishes us with love -- he gives us sunsets, laughter and friends. He comforts us, he cradles us. Day after day he beckons our attention. He designed us. He knows the number of hairs on our head. Now that is someone I can fall in love with!
I just remembered that you had this blog and I am so blessed by your postings since I am in a similar, yet different position. I am yearning for God to fill my heart but I don't have enough time to sit down like I used to and learn from the Bible and study like I had before. I was ashamed that I had not given God the time to study His Word and then I hit my hands and knees and just simply said "God, I can't live like this, you will have to do it for me". That is when I found my passion for Jesus and that is when I realized that you had a blog so I read it. Thank God you are in my life and I can be a part of yours through this blog. It shows me that I am not the only one who feels inadequate in my relationship with Christ. I have to remember that I am His child, His heir, His bride and he loves me unconditionally.
I have been looking at things down here a lot differently now and I have an Eleventyseven song in my head constantly that says "my heart is a spark, for You to ignite, I'm wanting to be the one that burns for you tonight, so bring me to life just like the starts that shine so brightly in the night, bring me to life."
We have life only in Christ and through Christ.
Thank you for sharing your heart and I am looking forward to keeping up with this blog in the future. I love you!
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